I was sitting on the quaint porch of the Lavender Gardens in upcountry Maui with my cool cup of lavender tea in my hands. Warm breeze blowing my hair- relaxed, refreshed, basking in the deliciousness of the previous six months, and hanging with my bestie.
We had come together in Maui to attend a retreat with our life coach, relax and spend some time together.
After all, I had just completed a dream! I needed to celebrate! I was a published author!
We stumbled across two local women and sat and talked with them for easily over an hour. Their lives, their personal tragedies and ours spilled easily from our mouths as if we had known each other forever. When asked what we did for a living, I started to answer “ I’m a writer…..and my bestie who loves to brag me up – interrupted me to say “ She’s an Author! She wrote a book! She is famous”
I meekly took the title on, then for a moment I felt like a complete fraud.
Here’s the thing.
The reality was/is I hadn’t written in months. Becoming an “Author” was so foreign to me that I honestly didn’t know how to act in its presence.
As a writer, I lived in my head. A lot. Constantly writing books and blogs and major screen plays….in my head.
The writing process I cherish always left me quiet, reflective and even recluse at times – I wasn’t ready for the spotlight or the work involved in being a published author in a very large world – of other amazing authors.
An Author has to be seen. Visible. Flashy. Always trying to create new ways to catch your readers attention and then saturate Social Media with your ideas of such – until people are either rolling their eyes or getting on board. I was convinced that my book would grow organically and easily sell a million copies because of its profound message….but with less than 1000 books sold, apparently that is not the case.
An Author has to ask for reviews and silently pray- while actually we internally scream with each post “like me – like me” “share me -share me”
An Author also has to accept criticism for their work – publicly.
Not my strong point.
I gotta admit, this whole concept threw me.
Those that know me personally, know I am pretty out-going, comfortable in front of people, full of advice for living a happy life……but putting it out there 4-6 times a day to meet “author standards “ and build a platform that requires 10,000 followers on all social media sites – just wasn’t me.
Full disclosure : I am a heavy social media poster…..but never to say – like me –please.
I grappled daily with what was too much!
That was 6 months ago. So, why haven’t I written in over 6 months?
Because – “ to write about life, first you must live it “ a quote by Ernest Hemingway that has given me the simple solace and the practical – out….for my feelings of fraud.
The book came out and so many life things happened after, that I could barely keep up with the events. The fall-out with my Father. The long- dreaded legal system – (yep…. sued by a family member), the personal internal growth that had to happen as a result of this and so many personal road blocks, that – simply trying to preserve my health during a very stressful time was the forefront. Then there was the work put into building the side business I started last year – to continue affording the luxury to write.
The radio show.
The book signings appearances.
The new puppy.
All took the writer……right out of me.
Trying to keep peace alive in many areas that were starting to spin out of control- took everything I had.
So, the truth is, the very life I wrote about trying not to live anymore……..I was beginning to live…..again.
I guess it’s safe to say, life happened. – Insert disgruntled face emoji –
The good news is, I now- as a writer……have a lot to share. Stay tuned……….The blog is back.
Welcome to cathslife.