Although there are some people who will shake their heads when they read this, I am perfectly okay proclaiming that I have been an avid fan of Revenge. (the television show) Last night marked its last episode of the series, much to the angst of its fans on social media who have been tweeting #bringbackrevenge for weeks since the announcement of its demise.

A word to ABC – this one? You really messed up.

How in the world can we, the fans, survive without our weekly dose of Emily Thorne? Nolan Ross? Or, satisfy the longing to see either Aiden come back from the dead for the second time,  or for ABC to hit the speed dial to reunion while Jack and “Amanda” dance around their unrequited love affair – that spanned their entire life.

Can we really believe that Victoria is dead?

Is there life  for Emily after Revenge?

How will I live without my besties “OMG” posts on Facebook after an episode of Revenge? (this ones for you Kimberly)

The profound realization that Sunday nights will never be the same hit me like a hammer last night. After it was over, I just couldn’t hit delete, savoring this last episode like my last dollar.

I am actually in a slight mourning period. Sure, I have had my favorite shows cancelled before, but I can honestly say there has never been a show that captivated me so much that I had to stop watching it.

During a very soul searching “revengeful seeking” time in my life I now call “ the lost year”, this show allowed me to plot and ponder my own fantasy revenge towards my personal perception of the enemy.

When Nolan Ross hacked a computer, I had many visions of doing the same. When Emily Thorne disguised herself and broke into various mansions and even a federal building without getting caught- more usually kicking the crap out of someone who has wronged her, I thought, of course this can happen in real life.

This was not a healthy way to live.

I lived precariously through the revenge dance of someone else and something interesting happened; I lost the desire to have it.

As I healed my wounded heart, I stopped watching the show. I realized I could not change the events that led me to these feelings, and I knew through watching Amanda Clarke that my only hope to get out of this cycle was forgiveness.

I worked on forgiveness and found peace.

Therefore, when I heard that Revenge was going off the air and I had 30 episodes left on my TIVO, I decided it was time to catch up without the motivation for revenge lurking in my body. Every night for the last month, I closed off my world and Emily Thorne and I rebounded.

It wasn’t long until my thoughts had someone from my posse’ in a black hoodie, running into ancient enemy territory to plant some evidence that could ruin their lives. I was instantly hooked and relating to Emily like never before.

Revenge is sweet, but in true Emily Thorne quote fashion Confucius says “you must dig two graves when plotting revenge”. If this show proved anything, it proved that revenge is probably the lowest emotion on the scale of happiness. Below anger, below frustration, below hatred. It taught us that practicing the art of revenge instead of allowing the universal karmic path to provide the true lessons for each situation, always, turns right back towards us.

There was never ever a plot planned by Emily that didn’t backfire. Revenge showed us that emotionally injured people can act irrationally. That when people hurt us or our families, we see red before we can see white. Our knee jerk responses to betrayal, or loss can take us to dark places inside. We hurt so we want someone else to hurt.

We seek revenge as a refuge from the dark, to somehow even the scales of justice when justice doesn’t prevail. We act out in unspeakable ways that we cannot take back, and it is never worth it,  and as Emily said in the last minutes of the show “I know now that revenge only brings darkness. I couldn’t see the light until I considered my Fathers advice to forgive…..”

The Revenge writers specifically stated in the finale – our decisions define who we are. There is no arguing with that.

What I know from watching Revenge, is that if we look towards revenge as the answer to our angst, we will be seeking answers for a very long time. The only choice when plotting revenge, is to let it go and trust the universal plan. Find our part and move on. Forgive and know there is always a bigger picture. For that personal lesson I have to thank Emily Thorne, because even she got it in the end.

I have to admit, it was just a little bit gratifying to live revengefully with Emily and Nolan, and kudos to ABC for the giving it the sweet ending it deserved. But I, with several million other watchers wait patiently for the Ems/Nolan “Nemily” spin-off announcement to heal the hole that has been left in us with the finale.

This show and Emily Thorne have etched a way into my heart and thousands of others like no other show or character. We got a happy ending, but in the end, the Revenge? It ironically left me with wanting more.

So I end this with #bringbackrevenge, knowing that it is just a show, and that these are just characters, but this show, and these characters? So much more. Hats off to the actors. Something tells me this is not your last gig.

“Well played Ems” Nolan Ross

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