The Favor

The Favor

“something granted or given out of goodwill”

It sounds so, well, wonderfully globally loving.  So why was I grappling with this process of unconditional goodwill and giving?

I recently had given out a ton of favors. All of them seemingly without expectation of anything in return. All because I offered.

I do pro- bono work at this time of year, every year. It has always returned to me in some fashion. I know how this universal stuff works.

Yet when I was asked for this favor, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

I was  clearly favored out.

I cringed inside while I ‘eeekd out this little “um…okay”.

Every part of me didn’t want to do it, but all I could hear was the guilt coming my way about what this person has done for me. And when the guilt wasn’t working, they played on my karmic retribution  beliefs & how helping others always comes back to you, and wasn’t I all about karma or was that just my persona?

” Okay” I said, “I don’t want to, but….” I’ll do it – for you”  – graciously returning the guilt.

Then like a pitching ball machine the self righteous thoughts came at me-  doesn’t my newly developed self love involve being able to say no? Haven’t I just learned that being kind to myself comes first? Am I not in charge  of my life here?

As I was saying yes, feeling the sensation of my arm twisting up my back, and after I said yes with that almighty guilt trip weighing on my heart, I realized that this person did not care about any of that, just really hopeful that the favor got done.

As long as I was saying yes, their work was done. As, this particular favor was being asked for by somebody else, for somebody else other then for the person who was actually benefiting!  I’m not even sure that they will ever know I did them the favor, exasperating my frustration on granting “the favor”

You mean I’m not even going to be able to claim it?

If you followed all that I send  you applause

As I begrudgingly agreed to do the favor, I learned a very valuable lesson in the process of what I call “the wonder questions”.

Why do we do for others? Is it actually for me and my accolades or am I really truly giving to help others and help the world be a better place? Am I coming from a place of humility and grace or a look at me attitude?

Tough stuff. Why the resistance, why the resentment? All of this was self inflicted in my quest to give back.

Often we say yes when we mean no, and some times, we don’t even know it’s a no until we are deep into it and then we get resentful. When you release the attachment to the outcome of the giving of yourself to someone or something, and you truly expect nothing in return, you are full fledged in service mode and you need nothing in return. That’s global love. That’s when your stacking up karma points and that’s where the magic happens.

We can’t stack up the list to throw back at somebody. Do it, with joy, and let it go. Let your own knowing be enough. Chances are only 5 out of 10 people are ever going to fully appreciate what you have done. And, there has never been a time I did something for someone else that I didn’t feel fantastic after.

To turn this around for myself, I envisioned the person being really happy after I did “the favor”. I envisioned them thanking me, and telling me how it changed their life. I envisioned their relief, and their gratitude and their smile. This changed everything for me, and I won’t be needing their thank you.

I was able to see my resistance for the gift it was. I was now able to discern when I genuinely wanted to do something from my heart, and when I was going against my true self to help another.

In that process, it actually became okay to go ahead and go against myself. Now when I feel like I am over extending myself to do for others, I am reminded that I can pull back and say no. My self love muscles actually just got a little stronger.

Three hours after this miraculous lesson, I posted a very random ” Dear universe please “…….post on Facebook asking for divine intervention to help me get to an upcoming Hay House retreat in Denver this month – without any idea how I could possibly make it happen.

In almost immediate response, I witnessed the karmic revolve start to happen. Someone else was granting me a favor by gifting me a three day pass to the event, another past “favoree” offered to pay for my flight. My Bestie came up to my house with a shovel and revamped my backyard that I had been procrastinating through the “favors” I said thank you 10 times, and she winked at me and said ” I think I owed you a favor” I looked up at the almighty universe and said, with tears rolling down my face Ahhh, thank you, I so, so get it”. ….

#thefavor #selflove #familylove #globallove

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