The Middle

What’s in the middle?

On a particularly emotionally grueling day not too long ago, I came to the conclusion that simply, all I needed to concentrate on was self-love, and global love.

I told anyone who was willing to listen,  that this was all I needed to fill me up and that everything in the middle was – well, “just bullshit”.

“You know, all the work drama, money woes, relationship fall-outs – friendships that don’t work, that one nasty neighbor, snipes heard in sarcasm, feelings of inadequacy. Fear, doubt, shame, resentments, anger; all, I proclaimed, “ to the right of self-love”  “Somewhere in the middle”.

Without Self-Love you would never do anything just for you. You wouldn’t look in your mirror and smile at yourself sassy and bright.  You would not be eating the clean organic  plate you have lovingly prepared for yourself, go to the gym and get in touch with your body, plan for your future, say no when you want to  or say yes when you want to…..

And Global love?  How could we survive as a planet without it?  Without the kindness of others, or the endless service of volunteers all across the world who make a difference. What would happen to the children who rely on the global community to help with water, housing, medical aid, and to feel loved?

There is nothing more rewarding then using your ability to make one person feel important.  When you take even one action towards the helping of all mankind, your heart bursts with joy and self-fulfillment beyond any other feeling on the planet.

But what is this uncomfortable love in the middle?

“It’s the stuff.” I responded to that anybody who would listen.  It’s the toxic stuff that makes up insecurities and jealousy- shame hides in the middle,  along with humiliation and anger.  Resentment, however silent, lives in the middle. It blocks every opening to self-love and global love, yet, it’s “the stuff” that excavates our souls into prioritizing where we are lacking in self-love and global love.

If we fail to grab the opportunity to look at what’s in the middle- we may never reach the two most important components of LOVE.

I knew I had made gains in self-love. Taking longer in the mirror – eating right, exercising, meditating –making and keeping boundaries, consciously adding that pep to my step.

Global love was growing inside me as I became more aware of the necessities in the world and became awed by the people really willing to put their lives on hold, while they fulfilled a mission bigger than themselves.

I knew I understood it when I felt the overwhelming need to do something for myself and someone less fortunate than I  every day.

Yet there I was, still always easily avoiding what was in the middle.  Wandering through the middle with blinded unawareness, knowing it never felt right, wishing it away rather than looking at it. Let alone having the courage to do something about it. Its always so much easier to just look the other way.

“Excuse me Cathie,” the universe responded, “not likely to happen this way”.

And I found myself faced with “the middle”

When we look at that stuff in the middle, we are face to face with our deepest and darkest behaviors. The ones that sabotage our right now and  lead us away from self-love and global love.

When we face our deepest and darkest behavior patterns, fears, concerns and emotions, and we feel our way through them- we expose and polish them like the gifts they are- we clean up the middle and we are left with what I believe actually lives in the middle.

Deep family love.  Magical relationship love. It is in this space we should always feel the safest. The home team.  Our tribe.

When we embrace the middle,  and frankly, ( I am quite sure that family & relationship love is a huge factor in self-creating “ the middle” )  I know that if these areas of my life are in harmony,  self-love and global love are all I am left with.  I can  then fully concentrate on the other more important aspects of the  life and love I want to share.

No other love can heal you like self-love. No other love can comfort you like global love.  When I have a bad day, I know that if I do something of service for someone else – I feel better.

When I take really good care of myself from the moment I awake, I feel better.

When my Family and relationships are in discord, I feel completely out of my skin.

When romantic and interpersonal family relationships are in harmony?

I feel phenomenal! I call it  the bonus plan.

Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor, the author of ‘Learning to Walk in the Dark’ in a recent interview with Oprah, “urges people to embrace the deepest shadows of their lives in order to break through their fears and find strength and peace”.  *

When I look at the middle, when I embrace that darkness in the middle, instead of ignoring it, I then clear the path that  leads me rather uneventfully, straight to self-love, family love and global love.


Welcome to cathslife!

*It is my intention to inspire, inquire and share my insights on these three topics through this blog.






Separator image .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *